There was once a lazy man. He was very very very lazy. One day some village folks saw this man speeding the car. 
When he came back they asked him, you are so lazy, how were you speeding?
The man said, I was so lazy, once I put my foot on the accelerator, I was too lazy to take it off!

Clock Store Manager: What is wrong with your clock?
Customer: I don't know. Hey want to play catch? Clock Store Manager: Sure. 
Customer: What happens when you throw your watch out the window?
Clock Store Manger: I don't know.
Customer: (Throws watch out the window).Time flies.

kid:everyone makes fun of glasses, well now i aint have any glasses so now you aint gonna laff at me friend:now im gonna go 2 everyone and say laff their face off at my friend but now you aint gonna because your the joke if you laff becausehe aint have any glasses any more.

principal:Student what do you like about my school?

student:Where I come from the restrooms aren't this amazingly beautifu!

principal:Ha ha h!!!